so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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