A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
