You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
bring money and cleavage
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
