i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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