Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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