Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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