Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
