i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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