I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
