his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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