I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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