you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
