she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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