then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
