I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
