there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
