Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Randomize
