All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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