Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
