Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
