Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just google imaged poop.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
