If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
