my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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