need another drink. this is the easiest way
are you so shy because you have an std?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
