just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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