the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
