He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Cover your peen. We're going out.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
