areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
