drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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