My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
