if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
