I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
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