Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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