is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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