It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
