I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
