When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
