drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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