Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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