Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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