i always forget guys have bellybuttons
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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