i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
