I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
