U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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