yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
