i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
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