If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
