if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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