i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
