the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
