So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
