wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I have peed in a lot of sinks
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
