so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
