it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
