i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
