sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
