smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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