Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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