he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
