i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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