counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
