I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
