Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
