im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
