Just fell off a train. Bad.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
