Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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