I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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