Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
