My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
