Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
i think my cat just said my name.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
